I hope my shock did not show in my face.
Here is what I wanted to say:
"Are you CRAZY?!?!?! She is just barely 13 and you want to do cosmetic surgery??? She has not even finished growing or completed puberty. In fact, she just started!!!!"
What I did say was:
"I can tell that you are very concerned about your daughter if you are even considering surgery. However, what we want to do is to help Rosa* to be confident in who she is and that in spite of her imperfect body, because we all have imperfect bodies, she is an amazing young woman who is already doing hard things and who has much good to do in the world."
In general, body images issues are not really about the body at all. When we over focus on our bodies imperfections, we are really making the inadequacies we feel about who we are. If we focus just on fixing our bodies, we will never really be satisfied. If we focus on just our bodies, we will begin to treat our body as merely an object and not the vehicle of the essence of who we are. If our body becomes an object, it sets the stage for eating disorders and self-harm. How we treat ourselves also gives unspoken permission to others to treat us the same way. If we portray to others we have to alter our bodies to be accepted by others, others will expect us to do that. If we portray to others that our body is just an object, others will treat us like that. When we are in a significant relationship, this is fatal.
It also sets us up for automatic failure.
Come closer, I'm going to tell you a secret that not many people will tell you.
*there. is. no. such. thing. as. a. perfect. body*
Isn't it incredible how even as adults, we know that is true but we do not always act as if it is true.
Obviously we want to take care of our bodies. We want to do what we can to fix things that we can. There are many diseases that are related to the mismanagement of our bodies. And really, there are some people that take better care of their car then their bodies. But we want to keep a balance of what we are fixing.
The key is to fix what is inside our heads, our thoughts. It always seems to come down to our thoughts. Truly, James Allen was right--"as a man thinketh, so is he." We have to mind what kind of things we tell ourselves. We need to be honest and tell ourselves the same kinds of things we'd tell our best friends.
"You're such a loyal friend!"
"You do _________ really well."
"I can tell that it is important to you to treat others kindly."
"You have talents! Like _______, and _______, and _________."
"You have been through a lot and yet you keep going. Good-on-ya!"
In the end, no one is going to remember you because of your imperfections. I have been to a few funerals and never have I heard anything like "He helped others, but his nose was too big" or "She was nice, but man was she fat." People are affected by who you are and how you treat them.
Besides, everyone else we meet is either not noticing our bodies because they are focusing on who we are of they are too busy worrying about their body to notice ours!
Above all, be kind to yourself. You are worth it!
*Not the real name
